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•• Girl ★ Toes™ ••

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YAY! [26 May 2003|01:53am]

* http://www.livejournal.com/users/bangbangyerdead *

<3 <3 <3 <3
Comments: 4 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

[25 May 2003|09:26pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

This is my art piece on 'bulimia' and the way it controls the body and the mind. Thats a real fork, and each picture is attached to eachother through either sewing, stapleing, pinning or safety pins.. the first image is of two posers super imposed and the frame is made up of measuring tape. Only problem is. My college will hate it. They hate anything that doesnt look like a jackson pollock rip-off. fuckers.
Comments: • B a n g •.

[22 May 2003|12:26am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

when im online and so are you. just say hey. u can always block me after.

When i msg you and ask how you are, remember that you can always ask how i am too.

When you decide to msg me on the grounds of only showing off a photo or whingeing at me. dont.

If you need an ego boost, dont msg me. go masturbate on webcam.

If i said ur hot too. Its cuz i thought you had more to say. so move on.

When u finally reach painful boredem, dont use me as a last resort.

Infact. Dont msg me at all. The day u msg me cuz u ACTUALLY GIVE A FUCK, is the day i fuck my computer screen.

love to all. <3

Comments: • B a n g •.

</3 [20 May 2003|11:52pm]

I cant write anything. I can just about draw my letters.
I hurt more then ive hurted for years. The pain wont tear, I dont breath either.

Ive lost the one thing i need, and thats myself.

Shes gone and i cant find her. I need her so bad..
Comments: 1 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

[15 May 2003|04:44pm]
So i had to wait around in town for my brother, decided to spend a few pennies. i like spending money when i have very little? I find that i want more stuff when i have no money, then when i get money nothing appeals to me. How wrong.

But we can all be assured. NEW LOOK and TOPSOP are totally HOT places at the mo.
Im very much a topshop whore, i love that shop so much i feel dirty when i try on clothes!
So yeh, found this top..It was baby yellow and white, a strappy number ish, bigger straps the usual with a big button holding on of the straps up. HOT. so i go to try it on, and im prancing around in the changing room and i hear a grannies voice..i peer out my curtain to see a 70-something trying on my top and she was totally swingin' her hips 'n doin' her thaaaang. her 'buddy' was gettin' down with her funky self with the matchin' skirt.. I felt like a dork. altho im honoured. grannies have great taste. harhar.

My dad just came home, and goes 'hows ma baby' and kissed me on my forehead...aww! <3 <3 <3

Mr niceguy-wood-work-tutor-teacher-person at college fixed my dice belt buckle today, even tho he said he didnt have time to do it till tommorow..and said to come back at 3 if i wanted to take it home instead of leaving it there [haha, it is mah baby...] and so i went to collect it and he fixed it all up! rawkus.

I brought baby yellow and white knee high socks today. and a cute top..
I want some white [with black, red or pink stars] 9mm plugs for my ears. right about...NOW.

Always wear a condom. <3
Comments: 3 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

heh.. [15 May 2003|12:50am]
i told my mom i was a lesbian today cuz i was bored.
she gave me a funny look and went, 'haha dont be silly' and walked off.

i love my mom. <3

whats up with all this fuckin' core bullshit?

xitx xseemsx xeveryonex xhasx xthisx xnewx xlanguagex xwherex xux xmustx xusex xX'sx xtox xbex xinx xwithx xthex xscenex xorx xwhateverx. xhowx xgayx.

well fuck it.

how about a letter revolution. give it up for O's!

oseeo onowo oimo onoto onlyo osceneo oimo omoreo originalo osoo oeato omyo oasso owitho oao ospoono obiatcheso.

Also. i dont drink. smoke and i only get stoned like once every two months now, yet some edgers act like im some fuckin' drunk? its like. ignorance, much?. I used to be edge, and was for yrs. i realised the basic rules of self assurance. rule number 1] u are what u are, and to know urself, is to feel content without preaching about it. and number 2] not to let what others believe in, affect you.

how about it. i'll call myself oBLAHo ad draw O's over my nipples and tattoo O's on my ass cheeks. That way i'll be sure not to forget what i believe in when i wake up in the morn, after i spent all night doing exactly what i DONT stand for. not that im bitter towards sXe fashion posers.

by the way.

i respect edgers. just not the way some poser sXe smudge their X's off their hands by spilling their BEER all over themselves....

and im spent. <3

Ben made me a rawkus CD full of his tooonz. his tooonz. must love them or i get my nipples twisted. give me ur jacket u fuck face! <3
Comments: 2 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

<3 [14 May 2003|01:19am]
I dont actually have lots of LJ friends cuz im crap. I expect 0 replies.. </3>take pity</b> <3

ahem. and were ooooff...

1. when and how did we meet:
2. have you ever seen me with my pants down:
3. have you ever seen me cry:
4. describe me in four adjectives:
5. if we could spend a day together what would we do:
6. have we ever gotten in a fight:
7. if you could give me a present what would it be:
9. what do you really think of me:
10. have we ever kissed:
11. has there ever been anything you wanted to tell me, but were scared to:
12. wanna makeout:
13. name one thing you dont like about me:
Comments: 5 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

[11 May 2003|03:00pm]

aww pretty...

Comments: 5 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

[11 May 2003|02:24pm]

My first ever proper ex-boyfriend james lookin' like a frickin' dickhead. hahaha u so knew i'd show everyone! he's hidden his man boobs, but check out the fish-face impression!.. hubba hubba uh uh uh. *NERD* hahaha..<3
Comments: 12 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

[09 May 2003|07:57pm]

Being vain. what else? hehe. I like banana's... <3
Comments: 8 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

[08 May 2003|11:02pm]
anyone want to swap faces?

ill pay you
Comments: • B a n g •.

<3 weeee [08 May 2003|06:42pm]










This will be me being a bored geek :/ <3 oranges <3
Comments: 1 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

</3 [06 May 2003|07:32pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

In college me and him were chatting in the canteen and we were talkin' about sex. i ask him what sex was like with her and he said: 'ohhh we have really amazing dirty dirty sex, hang on. im not telling u this!' hehehe hes amazng <3

On another note. Its weird, lately ive had enough of people and they way they act. a few friends have ditched me cuz im moving away. i understand that. actually. fuck it. I dont understand it at all. A close friend has officially broken my heart. i loved her and put up with her, just to realise im nothing to her. well. i thought i was but everythings making feel feel im wrong. rant over. i dont wanna moan, i hate moaners. eek. im still moanng make it stop. exams all over the place. wish me luck. maybe break a leg? or break my legs so i dont have to attend?! actually. knowing my luck, they'll send me the exam paper and set up a dark-room in my house. THEN, theres probably some law that people who have broken legs during exam time have to take a whole load more tests! that is totally my kinda luck. hehe <3
bastard exams. exams can suck my ass. exams r super gay, GAY GAY GAY. :/

im ok.

Comments: 2 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

.. [05 May 2003|02:41pm]
no im serious.
Comments: • B a n g •.

<3 [05 May 2003|02:32pm]
I have 4 faded scars on my belly. Im real.
I have a belly that folds horrible when i sit down. Im real.
My thighs wobble alot when i run. Im real.
My tits sag a bit when i stand up. Im real.
i have a dent in one of my teeth. Im real.
My skin breaks out sometimes when im under stress. Im real.

Love me, then find that beautiful.
Comments: 5 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

hahahahaha :D [03 May 2003|03:21pm]
[ mood | amused ]


HAHA. fuckin' hilerious! The Filaments came over to sleep at mine cuz they had a show in the area, and again today, and instead of sleeping... we get the web cam on, go into some yahoo adult chat room, dress ian up and he passes off quite worryingly well as a girl! The pic above is an example of one of the poor guys who fell for his gorgeous dreads n bright red lipstick [pic on right]- U sTuuuuD :/ Thats his man-gina and thats mike helping ian with the 'pause' button. The sick perverts ask to see his girly wonders. SO HE SHOWED THEM! hahaha. amazing.

Comments: 3 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

nothing. [29 Apr 2003|04:56pm]
Last night we went to the fez. It was really fun to start with. i was wearing a mini skirt. [shock, horror and jelly legs] it was cold. the fez was pretty fun, altho dancing on stage got me my finger nail ripped off. [i have like only half my nail on my RIGHT THUMB. i can even pee without diffculties.i cant even hold a pen properly. no it hurts damn u. weeny cuts always hurt the most and plus my nails r rreally long so it just teared it. oh stop whining. :D

i love taxi drivers.
Comments: 1 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

ta ta tattoo.. [27 Apr 2003|03:21pm]

This is a amatuer replica of the tattoo im going to get in california. Im thinking itll be a bit more interesting and not so cliché, it just so happens ive wanted this for years and it has alot of meaning. i want it on my lower back or shoulder blade. :D
Comments: • B a n g •.

:D [26 Apr 2003|03:04pm]
A picture i just took of my dog. woof.



Comments: • B a n g •.

lalala. [25 Apr 2003|01:52pm]
[ x ] Spell your first name backwards - Lynzé = éznyl hehe RAD.
[ x ] The story behind your lj user name - I have a phobia of clowns and im an idiot.
[ x ] Are you a lesbian - Just cuz i watch lesbians. doesnt make me gay.
[ x ] Where do you live - Nr London uk, moving to San diego/CA.
[ x ] 4 words that sum you up - Eat With My Fingers.

[ x ] Wallet - Some manga type wallet Laura got me <3
[ x ] Hairbrush - Pink with flitter inside it.
[ x ] Toothbrush - white and blue and its electriK.
[ x ] Blanket - zebra bed spread- soft.
[ x ] Underwear - Paul frank tightie whities and thongs and hot pants and and..
[ x ] shoes - converse all stars. I want bowling shoe-heals.
[ x ] Handbag - Lady Luck case.
[ x ] Cologne/Perfume - Cool Water -daviddoff
[ x ] CD in stereo right now - A mixture of gorgeous songs.
[ x ] Tattoos - getting dice and cherries on my back in b and w./red cherries.
[ x ] Piercings - 8mm tunnels in my ears, nose stud, lip.
[ x ] What you are wearing now - jean cut offs, black and white zip-up top.
[ x ] Hair - platinum and black.
[ x ] Makeup - eyeliner.

WHO or WHAT (was/is/are)
[ x ] In my mouth - a sweet.
[ x ] Wishing - I could get a hug.
[ x ] Person you wish you could see right now - My parents.
[ x ] Is next to you - my dog. woof.
[ x ] Some of your favorite movies - Donnie Darko/American Beauty/Edward szissorhands
[ x ] Something that you are deathly afraid of - clowns and leaving the uk.
[ x ] Do you believe in love - different values of it.
[ x ] Do you believe in love at first sight - I believe in 'wanna fuck at first sight'
[ x ] Do you believe in Heaven - With clouds and angels and white gates? i wish i did.
[ x ] Do you believe in forgiveness - always.
[ x ] Can you eat with chopsticks - not really.
[ x ] What's your favorite coin - silver dollars
[ x ] What's something that you wish people would understand - Im beautiful, just nout outside.
[ x ] What's something you wish you could understand better - Myself.
Comments: 4 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

just something * [25 Apr 2003|01:27pm]
I dont have photoshop. Its hard to make it good.
But its personal and im feeling it.
Thats all that matters, soo.. <3

Comments: 1 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

A few scriblings.. [25 Apr 2003|12:45pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Lo*e Like Love

I told it to ur face, Standing in this space. Lying down and to hold me still. I want to lay here until I feel. I can hear your touch and feel ur sound, I sense ur here, I smell the ground. Seeing it from all angles, but im upside down, promosing silence when I see that frown, I know what ur thinking, don’t turn around. Don’t hide ur smile, because I love its sound. Ur patience stings me, Ur beautiful when u cry. I need to tell you how I feel, This heart can no longer shy. Step back a second, I need a minuite to see, the space inside our circle is it full of me?

My plea to my world

One tear rolls down my face, then one follows in its disgrace. Blaming the way, the novel is written, I blame the way u wrote it. I just want u to love the way I cry. Forsaken a certain part of me.. the part that people don’t see. Taint the spinning of the record, strike up a new rhyme. …let me breathe again.
...please let me breathe again.


Take away ur makeup and take away ur clothes, ur average, a somebody, that noboody knows. Smile, let it stain you, be honest and be true, for ur passion will show ur something different, ur more then just u....Dont love me for my makeup. Dont love me for my Style. Love for my heart and the way i make u smile..

Comments: • B a n g •.

Just another set of my crazy words. [25 Apr 2003|12:35pm]
Dirty Comfort*

I stand on my shadow, I see it turn into dust, I blink my eye for that second of lust. I sleep amongst a dirty comfort. It’s clean when I close my eyes. She writes herself against the mirror and sings that deplorable rhyme, why dance and sing, and play all night when the sun is almost mine. I sleep amongst a dirty comfort. It’s clean when I close my eyes. Two weeks have past and Im still living real, I grab my heart and squeeze it still. Dear myself don’t do this again. I love this life and Im here to attend. I sleep amongst a dirty comfort. It’s clean when I close my eyes. Cradling each tear that falls out my eye, swallow my tongue so my voice is shy. Open skies, opened my scar, I need to die before Im far. I sleep amongst a dirty comfort. It’s clean when I close my eyes.

So clean, when I close my eyes. Dirty is my comfort, where im here to lie.
Comments: • B a n g •.

new photos: [25 Apr 2003|12:20pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Me doing my best impression of vanity. hehe. SAY CHEESE! :D

Comments: 4 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

jamie. [22 Apr 2003|06:37pm]
My brother is getting worse. he keeps threatening to smack me and has tried too. Its his temper. Hes so short tempered and the slightest thing makes him go into this fit where he goes all red and starts to shake. i get terrified. i am terrified. I keep thinking age and time will heal him, but he has no obvious issues apart from a cannabis addiction, thats like ridiculously obvious, but hes 20 and still a state. Im scared his violence will get the better of him-and i'll be on the recieving end.

I just wont him to seek some help and to put things in perspective. hes blind thinking half helping run a skate shop will keep him out of debt. No education, no proper job. i feel for him cuz he cant keep any down but he NEEDS TO STOP.
Comments: • B a n g •.

haha men. pssh. [21 Apr 2003|06:06pm]
Me and Dan having a typical conversation:

fag in plaid (be cool, sniff glue) says:
Girl * Toes says:
Girl * Toes says:
ur way gayer
Girl * Toes says:
u gaying gayer.
fag in plaid (be cool, sniff glue) says:
no way
fag in plaid (be cool, sniff glue) says:
you are the gayest ever
fag in plaid (be cool, sniff glue) says:
Girl * Toes says:
i dont think so mr gay
fag in plaid (be cool, sniff glue) says:
you big bumrusher
Girl * Toes says:
hah, ok bring it bitchtits
fag in plaid (be cool, sniff glue) says:
man, sure are gonna get fighty now
fag in plaid (be cool, sniff glue) says:
like this, fight fight fight
Girl * Toes says:
Girl * Toes says:
so what do u want mr?
Girl * Toes says:
huh huh
Girl * Toes says:
what do you want??
fag in plaid (be cool, sniff glue) says:
fag in plaid (be cool, sniff glue) says:
just wanted to shout at you
Girl * Toes says:
aww ur so kind..
Girl * Toes says:
and caring..
Girl * Toes says:
and sensitive..
fag in plaid (be cool, sniff glue) says:
i do try
Girl * Toes says:
give me a kleenex.
Comments: • B a n g •.

gorgeous. [20 Apr 2003|06:37pm]
"Mad World" - Gary Jules.

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tommorow, no tommorow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

That song is so incredible. Its from the soundtrack of Donnie Darko. Its a fantastic film... <3
Comments: 1 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

so.. [20 Apr 2003|03:24am]
i have nothing to say. its almost like i feel the need to think what to write.
i refuse to write stuff thats forced. the stuff i want to write is just stuff i cant write down. i guess i just, have nothing to say.

forceing alone
Comments: • B a n g •.

... [15 Apr 2003|12:22am]
i read an article about this girl who had bullimia and it reminded me of my past. the worrying thing is i miss my past now. everytime i remember the feeling of starvation, i miss it. i liked feeling empty. I liked the way i knew i had nothing in my stomach. I got excited and it still excites me. Im not to sure why, but i want to feel that all again. im not even sad right now, which worries me even more. im laughing.

im scared and i want someone to stop me.
Comments: 1 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

weeee CAKE is FUN. [14 Apr 2003|10:12pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Okay, back to the weekend. I went to Bristol to visit Laura. Got to the station, took the wrong bus, cuz im Lynzé and a dumbass. Had to walk the rest of the way to lauras flat, giggling all the way cuz i was in that kind of care-free-mood [i LOVE that mood] got to her flat. saw her flat mates. listened to tom singing in his room. was painful but funny hehehe, hugged laura again cuz shes all lauraesque hehe. got £12.50's worth of weed off Reese and proceeded to smoke all night, then went to a random pub with old guys being rock and roll-got approached outside by some guy who apparently goes to my college [how random seeing as my college is like 2 hrs away] he asked me to go to the pub with him i said come to the academy, he said hey in the academy, i got shy, and didnt make any effort. When i got to the acdemy to start with joe was sitting right oppisite me and eventually after like 10 mins he realised i was there! He handed me a rose, which was sweet, we all danced a bit, but it wasnt as much fun as lauras flat so we went home..i decided to smoke the rest the following night and let joe have my spliff, got a bit down bout stuff but was okay. next morning woke up smiley cuz i had a dream about this guy and a poosack..and we all started talking bout poo, which is always fun! finished off joes chipped spliff and got ready-me and dani worked on giving me a quiff and the pic of its below! it was quality! :p went to the pub, twas funny, i was seeing people with quiffs everywhere, i even thought i fell through a mirror at one point [what we smoked was strong-and its been a month since ive had any so..] so we walked back to lauras flat. on the way back i spotted a haunted-looking abandoned house-type-thing and i asked everyone to come with me to see if we could spot ghosts [we were very very caned] only dani had the balls to come with me tho so i grabbed my cam but there was no sign of an entrance but dani was all 'ahh im scared its dark' I HAD to scare her, i just had to. so i did. i screamed RAA at her and took a photo- the photo made me laugh so hard i couldnt breathe!! it was so funny- i knew she'd see the funny side cuz she aint uptight and she did, as well as the others when we got back to them! we got back to the flat, smoked the rest of my goods and proceeded to have a laugh all night, mashing up cake and takin' funny photos until we got tired and cheeled out and watched ICE AGE [which actually made me cry 3 times-bastard EVIL film] Sunday i went home, glenn picked us up which was sooo sweet of him-and thats that! it was really fun tho, so yay for bristol and yay for lauraface* x

Comments: 1 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

</3 [14 Apr 2003|01:59am]
had a really really fun weekend. and when i can open my eyes more then 1mm wide i'll write more about it. tonite ive been reminded of the way i was feeling the last few months, the stuff i thought i released.
I need someone to talk to, my heart hurts.

chin up and smile girl.
Comments: 3 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

hehe.. [10 Apr 2003|03:42pm]
Ur piercings make me HOT.
Comments: • B a n g •.

Underneath it all.. [10 Apr 2003|12:44pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Took a photo without a stitch of makeup. I felt repulsive. But i felt real. Im thinking this is a step forward. another one. <3

Comments: 1 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

beautiful <3 [10 Apr 2003|12:36pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

see all those people on the ground
wasting time
i try to hold it all inside
but just for tonight
the top of the world
sitting here wishing
the things I've become
that something is missing
maybe I...
but what do I know

and now it seems that i have found
nothing at all
I want to hear your voice out loud
slow it down
without it all
I'm choking on nothing
it's clear in my head
and I'm screaming for something
knowing nothing is better than knowing at all

On My Own
Comments: 1 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

la la la [08 Apr 2003|02:21pm]
im in I.T i have like a 'dance hangover' hehe, mah feet feel numbing and achey [yeh, cuz that makes sense] hehehe.
waiting for dan to come out his lesson so we can go play in the sun. Last night was fun. well. for about 10 mins. I think im bored of clubbing. its always the same thing. we turn up. i dance like a fool while everyone sits down and gets drunk. then we go home. now i think about it. i am so damn sober. well, good.
I foned joe last night while me n dan were cheeelin' in the room before the club, and it was really random. dan kept freezing up my legs with ice cubes and as i sat there about 10 people i knew walked past saying hey and bye and kissin me on the cheek n stuff, poor joe was all confused. we had the grooviest taxi driver on the way home tho, kept tellin us how hes seen ghosts and been held at gun point and also saved some other taxi drivers life from an escaped convict. dan thought he'd ask if being a taxi driver is fun. dan learnt, maybe it isnt..
Everyone looks really pretty in the sun. the sun is super beautiful. i got a horse-shore lip ring in my lip. its kinda interesting. actually, tell u what, it really isnt..
ha. ok moving on. off to a lecture now. woah. im actually gunna make an attendance..saomething has changed ;p

I want someone to buy me an icecream. icecream is fun.
Comments: 1 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

[06 Apr 2003|10:50pm]
ive been to tired to write about anything non-superficial, and i know im gunna read back of my journal and be like 'woah new hair, isnt that exciting' haha. oh well.
im sitting/laying/something here in pain, noone knows why. my tummy is 'acheing' its kinda weird..im listening to mad sin, an amazing psychobilly band jon introduced me too on our road trip, there so amazing i am dying to see them at city invasion, i need a friggin' ticket..

joe come online u assface.

im planning to go to bed in 20 mins. thats like the time i get up! haha its 11pm. for an entire month ive been sleeping 4:30am on average, probably will explain my lack of braincells. BO is really sweet. so is his name. hehe. i just read his livejournal, its real honest and genuine. tommorow i gotta wake up at 7 to go into college with mom and dad to discuss my 'issues' to see if my teachers can pretend they care and give me an extension or sommin. no idea really. my college is fuct up. this will be fun. Fez club tommorow night, something to smile about. dans coming now, i miss him <3
Comments: • B a n g •.

hair hair hair hair.. [06 Apr 2003|12:08am]

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<p><img border="0" src="http://pic7.picturetrail.com/VOL188/1014254/1892244/22875399.jpg"
<p> My hair is white and black now. well near enough, ahem. I love it. Its purdy. lets see how long it takes till i get bored again. i give it 3 weeks. hehehe..... <3 hair love <3<p>
Comments: 3 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

hair hair hair. [04 Apr 2003|01:39pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

The topic of today: My hair. I am sitting here with harsh bleach on my head. its going platiunum now.
I have had it..
blonde and white extensions
pink extensions.
rainbow extensions all over.
highlighted pink.
all pink.
strawberry blonde.
braided and extended white/blonde
two tone-blonde and uv pink.
two tone-blonde and purple.
blonde with blue streaks.
blue and white hair wraps.
red hair wraps.
dreaded blonde.
then added black.
dreaded again blonde/white/black
and today... Im dying it two tone, white and black underneath!

hair verdict: still shiney and soft.

Its a miracle.


Comments: 2 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

heh heh heh.. [02 Apr 2003|04:01pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Jon rang last night and we were remembering back to school and how stationary and new books are what made us motivated. It was hilerious.
Its all very true tho. Every term u had to get a new pencil case, new rubbers [they had to be those big roundish ones with flat sides-so later on u can claim ownership by writing ur name all over it], new pens, a brand new t-pex pen and the pencil case HAD to be cool. Then. You get given a brand spanking new rough book, which u rullered ur writing [with ur brand new fountain pen-those parker ones are just so cool] so its neat, and underlined every heading. THEN. by accident. you go to rub something out, and offcourse, cover your page in ink [the rubber was covered in pen ink from the whole nameing-ur-rubber-thing] or have to cross something out and it ruins ur book, so off u go to buy another one..And u write ur name on the front cover this time, and spell it wrong [as u do, u dumb fuck] and it happens agin. It looks messy. and off u go again, 10p, another book.. until the term ends, u throw ur 12 books away and keep the one u managed to not ruin [the one u brought that day-and didnt ruin cuz ur mate knicked ur covered-in-ink-rubber] and off u go to 'W H. smith' and kit urself up in brand spanking new rubbers, pens [the ones that were double ended-just cuz ur so cool like that] and so on.
And dont forget the folders. ohhh the folders. must be covered in stickers by the 2nd day or ur just not with it. and they always break. 'W H shit'

I remember arguing all the time with people cuz they kept knicking my friggin ink-covered rubbers.
'thats my rubber give it back'
'no its not its mine'
'oh yeh? where did u buy it?'
'w h smith'
'ok well it has my initials on it, LL see!'
'those are my mums sisters err brothers initials'
'no they are not, ur a liar. liar liar pants on fire'
'im telling'
'fine tell i dont care its my rubber u big poo face...'
'ur the poo face'
'no u are. u poo face'


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:D [01 Apr 2003|07:01pm]
A - Are you getting it? yes. ok i lie.
B - Born on what day of the week? Monday at 5am.
C - cats or dogs - woof.
D - Dad's name? Ron.
E - edushku is who? The asian guy on msn who thinks he can talk english.
F - Favorite actor? Kevin Spacey. I would.
G - Gold or silver? silver.
H - Hometown? Nr Reading.
I - In what ways are you sane? Gimme a minuite..
J - Job title? professional clown creamater.
K - Kids? feck no.
L - Living arrangements? Home with the family.
M - Mom's name? Joanne.
N - Number of people you've slept with? just 1.
O - Overnight hospital stays? a few.
P - Phobia? Clowns. small insects.
Q - Quote you like? 'I love dime bars, the all other chocolate bars can fuck right off'
R - Religious affiliation? no one i know.
S - Sibling? 3. Im the baby.
T - Time you wake up? depends. 12pm :s
U - Unique habit? getting goose bumps from everything.
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat? hot carrots. yeugh. keep them cold.
W - Worst habit? ...we all do it..
X - X-rays you've had? my wrist. shut it.
Y - Yummy food you make? omletes with ham and stuff thats ham-like.
Z - Zodiac Sign? Piecies. Cant spell.
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<3 [31 Mar 2003|01:06am]

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<p><img border="0" src="http://pic7.picturetrail.com/VOL188/1014254/1892244/22538504.jpg"
<p>Call it bad taste, but this girl makes me <s>gay</s><p>
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buy me an icecream and ill kiss u. [27 Mar 2003|03:33pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Yesturday i went into college to hand in the rest of my work for marking, but my tutors were all 'u cant finish it were making urs NOW' so i was all 'eek' and handed what i had in.. then they were like 'we cant find ur open space project' [which took me like 3 months to do] and i panicked. couldnt find the fucker anywhere. anyways, i couldnt handle the way they were acting towards me. last month was so terrible for me, i lost so much energy i couldnt face even getting out of bed, so i hardly went into college. wheneva i got out my 'rut' i worked like a mutha fucker, and so i got upset knowing they thought i was just a slacker, cuz im not, had things been easier on me that month id have done so much more, but when i eventually got my head around myself i worked stupidly hard till 6am and the like. so i eventually burst into tears, i just lost it cuz they kept saying cruel things like 'u never bother working hard, u dont care' and thats so wrong cuz i cared so much. anyway i was told to come in today to find my work, and thank feck i found it <3 <3 <3 i got my vision project finished too, so yay. things may be okay :] altho yesturday i hadnt known whether id find this project, i got real down bout failing and all, but then i thought to myself.
Its me who needs to have faith in myself in the end of the day. thats the most important. i know im talented, and i know i can work bloody hard. i know how capable i am too, and a grade on paper is futile compaired. its just my parents and close friends have always put me on this pedistool with comments like 'ur gunna amaze us completely one day' 'im so proud of you, u have no idea' 'ur really something' all the nicest most flattering comments. i cant bare to let them down.
but again. I have faith in myself, thats what counts.

anyways :]

im in IT right now typing away listenin' to various tracks. jonny [glueball] texted me to go to the pub, so me and dan and chris r gunna go in about 30 mins. Oh. i gave up alcohol a month ago. Ive no temptation at all anymore. I went two years without it and when i started drinking again i realised why i gave it up to start with. its not right for me. but each to their own as they say :] Its sunny. Imma go play in the sun..

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;p [27 Mar 2003|12:04am]
kids. lets never grow up..

[me + ian]

Girl * Toes says:
scary eyes
the world doesn't just disappear when you close your eyes, does it? says:
yeh kinda scary
the world doesn't just disappear when you close your eyes, does it? says:
very penetratin
Girl * Toes says:
the world doesn't just disappear when you close your eyes, does it? says:
ur laughin cos i said penetratin aren't u
Girl * Toes says:
Girl * Toes says:
damn u know me already!!
the world doesn't just disappear when you close your eyes, does it? says:
no i was too
Girl * Toes says:
haha u dork!
Girl * Toes says:
the world doesn't just disappear when you close your eyes, does it? says:
rite back at ya
Comments: 1 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

wee wee wee....... [25 Mar 2003|02:24pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

* everyday is so wonderful..and suddently its hard to breathe *
* Now and then.. I get insecure from all the fame, im so ashamed *
* I am beautiful no matter what they say words cant bring me down *

Last night was fun. We went to the fez club. I got the train and i saw charlie get on, i sat down and felt silly cuz he didnt come to sit with me. then i get a text saying 'hello' from him.. so i replied going 'come down here silly' and he replied saying the train was split in two! hehe. so i met dan n tom at wokingham station and crossed passed the division to see charlie. we went to the pub for a bit, then to the fez to see emma, claire, sara and leon. It was fun, vince and dan turned up but noone danced much. I saw kevin on stage dancing, so went to dance with him a sper usual [its becomming a trend] haha.
Saw the guy that is always staring..kinda freaks me. I also saw this beautiful guy and this other guy who was so interesting to look at. I just wanna go talk to them and find out about them. I dont wanna kiss them, just get to know them. I think im weird cuz apparently thats the wrong answer? people just fascinate me. every single person intrigues me in one way or another. and i cant help but want to find out more. but ofcourse, u approach a guy in a club and automatically that means ur 'after him' club rules r super gay.
but yeh, joe just introduced me to 'on my own' by the used. Its beautiful. makes me sad. i love it :] my dad came in going 'whos that ur playing' and i told him and he was all 'wow its beautiful save it in my folder' hehe....... hes so great i love my daddy <3 <3 <3

Im actually real happy at the mo. my mentality is so much better. I think im out my awful state. The sun is shining and its so beautiful. I wanna go hang out...

Someone come hang out with me? *

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collection :] [23 Mar 2003|08:27pm]

Finally a place to keep all the pictures of *me* togehter :]
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Today I had icecream in the sun ♥ [23 Mar 2003|02:30pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

Last night me and miss carly went to the newt in maidenhead. It was all new to me. And was real fun to go there and see the bands. Glueball [chris's mates band] were really good, and heavy and fast and nice. Jonny the singer was awesome, hes crazy and fun :] we cheesy danced to 'fume' ...as u do..haha. Carly Carly Carly. Its nice to be friends with her. Shes rad. She looked very purdy last night. <3
Saw paul and amit. I think i shocked them turning up. haha. oh well :] Slept round carlys which was fun her house is all bright and yay. Got joe to ring us last night, bless him and his emo hair*

mmm... emo hair..

Im home now. Its sunny. I had some icecream, but shh. noone knows. :)
My dogs eyes are so purdy in the sun. My hair goes white in the sun too. SUN rocks.
Im painting. I like getting paint all over my hands. I want matty to come paint with me <3 'pah pah ;p'

I cut my leg earlier by accident.
Cuts on girls are fuckin' HOT! :D

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</3 [21 Mar 2003|06:56pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Umm Qasr [Baghdad] <3
My heart goes out to those who didnt escape.
My heart goes out to those who have to watch.

In no circumstance, has the Loss of innocent life have any justification, none at all. </3 Today was interesting, having stayed up all night long to work on my assignment, i didnt even have to hand it in today, how mean is that? now i have to stay in on a friday cuz my heads thumping and my glands r swollen.. :( I had to draw an old fat nakie man in live-drawing class today. it was amusing because im immature. I wouldnt have found it as funny as i did if he hadnt have bopped up n down that many times :] It went up n down up n down haha.. Ok im sick. AND.. Watching the news, again. im addicted to it. i watched it all yesturday, and its highly intriguing. they r bombing the feck out of baghdad </3 Saddam im gunna fuck u up u ugly sadistic dillusional twisted mutha fukkin fukka fuk. fuk. im done. Werthers originals and soothers are my fav sweets today. And guys with turn-up jeans are pretty.

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<3 [20 Mar 2003|07:26pm]
Watching the war on tv. Puts so much in perspective.

Today i was paranoid that i looked really awful.
So futile. Just see-through.
But I am now thanking my world that im still standing.

Im still on my feet. <3
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monkeys have asses. [17 Mar 2003|02:17am]
'what cha gunna dooo, when shit hits the fan, take it like a man? or snitch like a bitch, uhhh' Damn im so darkXcore. haha. WERD.
Comments: 2 • Bang Bang • • B a n g •.

him <3 [16 Mar 2003|11:30pm]
[ mood | scared ]

my heart adores him so much it aches.

I have to come clear about how i really feel and i cant bear to face the truth. so much i want to keep beside me my whole life.. so much im going to have to let go off.. him, i never wanna leave him..i never wanna see him hurt.. i never wanna cause him pain, i never wanna let his arms leave mine. i thought what i thought was right. i thougt how i felt was the truth...but its not. i just cant cope with the result. the day i have to say goodbye. the day i leave half my heart in england. i dont wanna leave him behind. hes half my world. half my soul. hes my fucking angel.

how do i deal with this seperation? i wont be able to handle saying goodbye. i broke up with him and i know i had to b4 it was to late. The denial is so strong im believing it. The times we can look into eachothers eyes and not have to say a word.. The times we have so much love for eachother we giggle because we dont know how to handle it. I love him to death.

i never thought someone could ever love me as much as i loved them.. i feel adored for all the things i want to be adored for. he is the most beautiful creature on the planet..and id kill any mutha fukka who hurts him. i cant keep going on. this is just how my heart feels. i want him for 5 more months, but i cant with any more pain. i cant decide what to do. if we got back together..we'd hurt so much more..no more pain.

glenn is and always will be my angel... <3

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